I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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