and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
