you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
