just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I need moral support for this bender
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
