I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
