once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
