When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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