May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
