it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
