how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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