the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
