I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize