How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
