pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
