Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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