if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
