You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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