He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
