Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
