The maid of honor just puked.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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