she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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