I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
