So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
