but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
