I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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