I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
