he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
