We won't sleep together?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
