it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
