you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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