we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize