Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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