trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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