I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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