Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
