Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
