remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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