that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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