just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
