I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
