Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
