So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
