i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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