there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
