I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
