Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
