Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
