I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
