Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
