one two three fourrrrnication!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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