This girl is more easily done than said...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
