so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
