Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
