He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
