I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
