did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
