I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
