I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
