Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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