once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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