grandma shit on top of the toilet
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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