matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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