My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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